Yes we can Michelle Obama!

Now the blog does not usually go around ragging on important people, especially if they haven’t done anything, but that’s just the thing… Michelle Obama came to South Africa and did absolutely zilch. Oprah Winfrey at least opened a school, mind you, a school where they beat the crap out of the children… but a place of learning nonetheless.

The wife of alleged Kenyan Wall street goon and keen long distance runner, Barack Obama, had most notably contributed to US-RSA diplomacy during her whirlwind visit with two over-publicised charm offensives. At the first of two speeches, she condescendingly told South African woman leaders at a conference that the future was in their hands.- Heard it all before Michelle. She then proceeded to a garden where a ceremonious planting of spinach could occur. While other important South African woman leaders waited to stick a spade in the ground, American security officials told them to wait for Michelle’s arrival before they did, as it would ruin the photo opportunity if they started without her.

She also found time to mosey over to the University of Cape Town to address pupils from five Cape Town schools about how bright the future is for South Africans. In her speech she encouraged kids to grab with both hands opportunities to become educated, because she was tired of dim-witted cashiers at South African McDonalds continually getting her orders wrong.

The weather prevented her from visiting Robben Island, a bit of land that she does not deserve to set foot on ahead of the children of struggle heroes who cannot afford to. We thank you Mrs. Obama for visiting us, we are unfortunately a bunch of ungrateful thugs with a deep sense of entitlement, who have nothing better to do all day but sit around and poke fun at your bad dress-sense and botox-stretched smile.


To Nationalise or Privatise, The Lesser of Two Evils

Neglect –verb: to pay no attention or little attention to; disregard or slight. The Log Cabin would like to extend an apology to the few fans it has gathered thus far for the lack of posts over the past few weeks. The truth is that the blog had to lay low for a little while, as government henchman in charge of the Secrecy Bill had closed in on the blogs physical address. Fortunately, I managed to evade their capture and normal service can once again be restored…

To Nationalise or to Privatise, The Lesser of Two Evils.

The nationalising of mines, as proposed by the ANC Youth League (because they have a “Mhaan-date”), has probably had former Pres, Thabo Mbeki, tossing in his 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets for months now. It is widely regarded that his failed business centralised double term laid the foundations for the rotten egg of nationalisation to hatch… and oh how it has kicked up one hell of a stink. Today we will explore further the implications of preferring nationalisation to privatisation.

For those who are not familiar with the terminology, Privatisation (in this case) simply implies that resources and commodities are allowed to be controlled by big business; and Nationalisation would defer power of decision over resources and commodities to the government. In Africa, the biggest debate surrounding the two spheres asks the question, power to the greedy white businessmen; or power to the greedy black bureaucracy. A lot of the time nationalisation propaganda defends its principles as “Power to the people!”- Unfortunately, that statement is a load of crap; do not believe a word of it. The transferral of this power to the people would see to it that only a few select cronies profit, essentially business as usual.

Understandably, many people feel disgruntled that big white business maintains controlling shares in our country’s most profitable natural resource sector. The Log Cabin agrees that new policies need to be developed in the future to insure that the mining economy is accessible to all, but nationalisation is not the solution. Successful nationalisation requires a benevolent and welfarist powered government, these principles do not exist in the predatory African political climate. What this continent continues to endure, can only be described as Pirate Economics, with an emphasis on looting and plundering.  Whether the substatial booty is taken off-shore, or stuffed into the pockets of a bloated bureaucracy does not really matter, what matters is that the mines continue to function. Jobs security for thousands of South Africans hangs in the balance.

To this end, the blog would like to suggest that politicians respectfully, butt out! Politicians know about politics and know absolutely nothing about running mines. Similarly in Zimbabwe, commercial farming was removed from the hands of farmers and placed under the control of Mugabe’s family and friends.. erm.. government officials. The result of course was a complete collapse of Zimbabwe’s agriculture dependent economy to the extent where the country had to receive foreign food aid to stay afloat.

Now the blog is not accusing the South African bureaucracy of being as inept and incompetent as Mugabe’s authoritarian regime, but surely parallels can be drawn between the self proclaimed “Black Hitler” and Malema. Thankfully, South Africans were re-assured earlier this year that nationalisation of the mines is not government policy. For the sake of mine workers who are the real victims, we can only hope that the ruling party sticks to its guns. Can you imagine the consequences of Constantia soccer moms having to receive their gold jewellery in foreign aid packages?

Pirate Economy?

Official Announcement 31/05/2011

Due to a family crisis, the Log Cabin will be taking a break. I will be back with more crazy critical comical analysis next month sometime. Thank you to the readers for your support in the site’s first month, the response and figures were encouraging. If you need to reach me, drop a PM on my Facebook.

Regards, Giovanni Poggi

The “Shut Your Trap” Bill

For those of you concerned about freedom of speech in South Africa, today’s rant will be sure to rouse your rooster. Depending on how seriously you take local media, you may or may not be aware of the progress of the sensationally named “Secrecy Bill” that has been proposed by the ruling party. The bill requests that the release of confidential information that may implicate or hurt the reputation of the government be met with severe punishment and a prison sentence of up to 15 years. Essentially, this would give the government the power to classify information and keep basically anything from the public at their discretion.

Those objecting to the bill stress that this brand of censoring encroaches on the right to freedom of speech as defined by the constitution. The strategy employed by the Secrecy Bill is fairly transparent, as it has been specifically designed to stop the media tattle-tailing to the public about government corruption. The implementation of this bill has the potential to ruin investigative journalism in South Africa. So you can expect television programmes such as Carte Blanche, 3rd Degree and Special Assignment to be hooked as well. Further development will see arrests and beatings administered for public utterances of the name “Julian Assange”, followed by the installation of CCTV cameras in your bathroom. Detractors of the proposed bill have said that South Africa could potentially return to the dark ages of Apartheid censoring. Apartheid, what Apartheid? There was no such thing. The reality of this bill will see accountability in government fall to new lows. Corruption, what corruption? There’s no such thing. The funds are merely unaccounted for at this time.

South African citizens will be happy to hear that as a result of the public outcry, the ANC committee responsible for the construction of the bill has been forced to go back to the drawing board to impress the courts. It is thanks to the Right2Know campaign, who have pointed out the constitutional flaws in the Bill, that South Africans remain properly informed at this time.

Heed this warning and prediction from the Log Cabin, if you survived the Rapture on Saturday, be prepared for the imminent demise of South Africa as we know it if this bill is passed. Expect events of cataclysmic proportions. Believe that if the media is silenced in this country, meteors will fall from the heavens and obliterate the very pillars of our young democracy. Worse still, the Log Cabin might also have to go “underground” indefinitely.

Reflection for the Racially Sensitive

The Log Cabin cannot claim to be an expert on race relations, in fact it would be ludicrous for this blog to claim to be an expert on anything. However, it can boast an incredible knack for spotting the obvious and then subsequently giving its readers a warped evaluation of it. This week the scourge of South African societal dynamics once again poked its ugly head out of the murky media waters. That dirty old word, racism and the accusation thereof, has been one of the main contributors to the latest election hangover.

ANC decoy-man and professional scapegoat-ist, Julius Malema, has been accused by the opinioned for leading race rhetoric during the ANC’s campaign run. At the invitation to a debate by DA spokesperson Lindiwe Mazibuko, he promptly declined the opportunity to lock horns with her and added, “She is the tea girl of the madam” (the madam of course being Helen Zille). For someone who did so poorly at school, one has to commend him for his ability to construct such an insightful metaphor. However, the blog hardly feels that he is qualified to make comments such as the above, seeing as though he can be likened to a spoilt 30-something screw-up child who quite often publically embarrasses his family. The tea-girl would certainly look down on this abhorrent behaviour with disappointment and moral derision.

Furthermore, whilst on the ANC campaign trail, Malema also alluded to the fact that white people were criminals for “stealing” all the land in South Africa; and once people agree with him, “then we can go on to deal with them.” These days there appears to be a fine line between a comical critic and a genocidal maniac but at least we’re not short-changed on excitement. The examples used in this piece, were later swiftly glossed over by Gwede Mantashe, who went on to say that white South Africans should not be so sensitive. Most white South Africans refused to return fire, as they were too busy screwing black people out of more land and money to care.- Those unscrupulous bastards are still taking advantage of the ruling party’s inability to deliver the service of adequate education to the poor.

As the Log Cabin evaluates all this controversy, one point becomes blatantly clear, that Malema does not comprehend the lasting damage he is inflicting upon South African society with what he says. The audiences he entertains have the misfortune of not being exposed to a level of education that allows them to think critically. As a public figure that has the influence to shape values in society, he is failing abysmally at the task of leading the poor and exploitable down the right path.

Election Reaction- Business as Usual

“The results are in, the results are in!” cried the vibrant voters who could no longer contain their excitement on Thursday after standing patiently in a queue on Wednesday (mind you a significantly shorter one if you’re white). Some may have been disappointed that it was once again business as usual for the ANC. There were a few surprises from the DA in areas where they had focused all their attention on wallpapering neighbourhoods with their fashionable US-democrat-styled campaign advertising. That lamppost board with the 3 figure-heads of the party should carry the slogan: Look we have white people, coloured people and black people. Shame they do try to be inclusive of all South Africans, even if the ignorant assess that poster with the grumble, “Why does the old white woman get to stand in the front?”

Ever more surprising, some people went out and voted for COPE even though in the run up to the election they failed to campaign, get together a proper candidate list and they still do not know who legally leads their organisation. If it were a birthday party, those COPE supporters would have been awfully dissatisfied. There would have been confusion as to who was invited, no streamers, balloons or treats and no birthday boy.- you would have to be brain-dead to want to give the gift of your vote to them since it sounds like a really shit time. Similarly, if you voted for a minority party, to put Alfred the pool-guy at the dinner table, then don’t be surprised if he doesn’t know how to use the fish knife.

Meanwhile, at the time of writing this, the ANC are preparing to host their victory party, probably on tax-payer’s money. ANC secretary general, Gwede Mantashe, had this to say as a reaction to the ANC claiming a clear majority of municipalities thus far, “We were never worried, the people can see how we deliver! We said we would crush them… much like the ice in my Bacardi mojito , now let’s party!” I hope for their sake they manage to find a venue with decent toilets.

On a congratulatory note, well done to those voters who were able to make a well informed and educated decision. Though, I extend my condolences to you for not essentially making a dent in the ignorant heap that still vote based on sentimental attachment or the similarity of skin colour and culture. When you voted yesterday, one can only hope that most of you voted for service delivery ahead of whatever twisted psychotic obsession you have with a party and its ideologies. Municipal elections are useful to test if the government has the capacity to “work for you”. Don’t pay any attention to that advert on television suggesting that we water municipal plants and fix the potholes in the road, if you seriously have to do that yourself then you need to strategise better for the next municipal election. It is a simple concept: if your water-supply tastes like crap, then you need to remove the crap from municipal office, ergo to remove the crap from the water-supply.

Toilets causing Service Delivery Stink-up

The Democratic Alliance receive the first shout-out of the day as far as this toilet mess goes, as they were the original trend setters in this now fashionable shit slinging contest. Earlier this year the DA, after boasting about service delivery in the Western Cape, were brought under heavy scrutiny by the ruling party and other whistleblowers, for building open-air toilets in the Makhaza informal settlement. The Western Cape High Court recently ruled that over 1000 toilets in Khayelitsha be enclosed with immediate effect, but the DA have decided to wait until after the elections to tackle the matter. Well strategised, it has to be said.

Since then, it was revealed that the ANC were up to the same unsavoury business of building Tarzan-toilets for when nature quite literally calls. This month, residents of Moqhaka in the Free State had to watch on as the privacy of their bathrooms and toilets were examined and raided by reporters and party officials. Mind you, this is not a difficult fete considering the toilet-bowls can be seen from a two kilometre radius.

Furthermore, the Mayor of the Moqhaka Municipality was found to have directly contributed to the creation of this shit-storm. She granted her own company the construction tender to build the open air toilets in Moqhaka in a R1.6 million deal. For that ludicrous figure, I hope those were at least Cobra toilets. The area in question is currently under investigation by the Human Rights Commission, although, the blog feels the investigators should rather be fired and their salaries used to fix the problem.

With elections upon us as soon as next week Wednesday, the government and politicos alike are doing absolutely nothing to sooth voter’s service delivery concerns. In my honest opinion, rallies and charm offensives are going to have zero effect on voters who have to take a dump with their entire community watching. The Log Cabin leaves you with this fabricated rant from a disgruntled Moqhaka resident, “I don’t care about if it has walls or not. I don’t want your outside toilet! I want a house, I want an RDP house. I want a house with a toilet inside it, with walls around the toilet, inside the house…  Ja ne.”